So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
