he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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