What did we do last night that was yellow?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
