belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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