So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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