he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
