I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
