Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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