For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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