Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
