Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
