Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
