so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
3 2 1 whiskey
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
