Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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