I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
