Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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