Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
