Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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