You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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