Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
