Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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