I wannas sexs uuuuu
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
