I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I want to be your penis for a week.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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