If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
