Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
