I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
