The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
