is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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