Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
