i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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