Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
