The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
