you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
