Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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