I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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