my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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