Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
