I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You're breaking my sexual little heart
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
