Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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