I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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