First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
