plz talk dirty to me
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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