You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
