u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
