He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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