yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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