My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
