The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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