I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
