Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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