What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
