Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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