with your own penis?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
