Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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