Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
