is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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