Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
