one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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