ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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