I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
