Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
