Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
