you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
