I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
