My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
