u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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