the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize