I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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