So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
