and you said cock pushups were impossible
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
