My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
