hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
