i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize