And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
