i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
